I dropped it because I had too much going on all of a sudden; I was starting research for my master's thesis and trying to get all the lab supplies in place in a span of two days, during which I was also working on a lab for another class. On top of that, we had a makeup class because a professor was out of town earlier this quarter, and I couldn't postpone lab work because I was at a Water Research Foundation workshop on hexavalent chromium all day on Monday. (I enjoyed it!). Three graduate-level engineering classes plus research in a quarter that's work-loaded mostly at the end was just not going to work. I signed up for research units instead of the course so I'd still be at full-time. It makes sense; I'll do better work, pay attention better and therefore learn more, and my mental health will be in a better state.
But I struggled with it. Why? I felt (and still feel, on occasion) that everyone else seems to be doing the same amount of work with no problem and that I was just giving up. I wasn't strong enough.
At church right now, we're going through a study on "Emotionally Healthy Spirituality." In the daily office I read today, there was a quote from Eugene Peterson's book The Contemplative Pastor: Returning to the Art of Spiritual Direction about business and the reasons for it.
"I am busy because I am vain. I want to appear important. Significant. What better way than to be busy? The incredible hours, the crowded schedule, and the heavy demands on my time are proof to myself – and to all who will notice – that I am important.
I am busy because I am lazy. I indolently let others decide what I will do instead of resolutely deciding myself. I let people who do not understand the work of the pastor write the agenda for my day’s work because I am too slipshod to write it myself."It came at the perfect time. Was I wanting to stay busy with classes because it makes me seem important? I don't think there's an easy answer to that specific instance, though I do know that I struggle more with the first than the second (I've gotten pretty good at saying no to things).
Well, those are my thoughts for the day. How about you? Are you busy? If so, why? There are certainly good reasons for being busy, too.